Stern: Have you had great love in your life, where it just hurts that it didn't work out?
Kaling: Yeah, yeah.
Stern: Why did it not work out?
Kaling: Because, uh... this sounds so lame, it's not profound, but people are so different, and you can overlap in certain ways that are important but not... the ones that are the most important, or something.
Stern: Are you still in touch with this guy?
Kaling: Yes. Yeah.
Stern: Do you know what he's up to, do you know if he's married now, does he have kids...?
Kaling (laughing): Yeah, he's, he's not married, no.
Stern: Not married.
Kaling: No.
Stern: But you check on him.
Kaling: Yeah, he's a good friend of mine. Yeah.
Stern: Look at that smile! I think we can set you back up with this guy. I think you're in love.
Kaling: Yeah, well, he's my best friend, so it's... that's not...
Stern: He broke up with you or you broke up with him?
Kaling: ...He broke up with me.
Stern: You would take him back.
Kaling: No... it was years ago when this break up happened.
Stern: Best sex of your life with this guy?
Kaling: Oh, man. It was pretty good. He's a smart and funny guy!
Stern: Were you upset when you broke up?
Kaling: I was so, so sad. Not angry-sad. Sad-sad. That was the hottest I'd ever looked, because I'd stopped eating...I'd wake up, get out of bed, and not care. We worked together...but I was real miserable.
...
Stern: I think the guy you were in love with was the guy you co-starred with on the Office. [Kaling LAUGHS] Am I right or am I wrong?
Kaling: B.J.? He was... he was -
Stern: He was the guy.
Kaling: Well, he was, yes, you are correct, not that the mystery - you're not Sherlock Holmes or anything, Howard -
Stern: I'm Sherlock Holmes! That's right, that's what they call me.
Kaling: You're like, 'who have you known for ten years who you worked with...' No, but he legitimately is one of my best friends; he texted me before the show like 'Good luck on Howard,' he's been on my show, he was a producer on the pilot, I see him all the time.
Stern: If he asked you to marry him you would have.
Kaling: At the time? Yeah.
Stern: Wow.
Kaling: Yeah.
Stern: Wow.
Kaling: I mean, it would have been.. I was 24. But for the record, if anybody had asked me to marry them I would have...but he's a wonderful guy.
Stern: Well let's hope he calls you tomorrow and asks you to marry him!
Kaling: I! I would not - one thing about this is, I love him and think he's a good person, but I'm not holding a candle for him or anything...
Stern: I believe if he called you tomorrow and said, 'I made a terrible mistake; we must get back together and get married,' you would do it.
Kaling: I... I don't know. I don't know.
Stern: It's not a 'no.' That's it.
Kaling: Alright.
Stern: We'll get you a boyfriend, don't worry about it.

Mindy Kaling on Howard Stern, 9.15.14. (58:50, 1:04:58)

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

(Source: emilyisobsessed, via onlyannie)

Seth: You had to often do the hardest job at SNL, because you were such a good impressionist and you played so many political figures, you had to start the show. You were in so many cold opens. Which you always talked about how stressful they were.

Bill: I hated doing cold opens

(Source: mayawiig, via onlyannie)

onlyannie:

Cyclists: Can I just say that we don’t have an “aggressive motorist” problem in the bike lanes? And some of us shouldn’t have to take this workshop because some of us are just victims in the situation?

Society : That’s probably true. How many of you have ever felt PERSONALLY victimized by people riding bikes?

Everyone Else In The City:

lifeofasingaholic:

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW PRECIOUS THIS IS *runs into a corner and cry*

(via onlyannie)

Stud muffin

(Source: markfluffyruffalo, via onlyannie)

mostly10:

porrn:

Is it just me or you don’t really realise how drunk you are until you are in a bathroom alone???

image

(via onlyannie)

(Source: lawyerupasshole, via onlyannie)

Anonymous said: when they ask for no bag, but only AFTER you've bagged all their dumb shit

justcashierthings: